Suck It Up and Let It Go

Happy New Year! You made it another year. Congratulations.

Wednesday yoga was interesting. One of my regulars reminded me that she’ll be MIA for the next five weeks as she is doing another class with a friend. We had a visitor from the Thursday class again. My other regular was there as well. The class opened with letting go of all the stress, anxiety, disappointments, and other things hanging over our head or sitting on our shoulders from the past year. We opened ourselves to the possibilities of this coming year and let go of our expectations.

With all this in mind, we twisted, wringing ourselves out, and pressed into heart openers, feeling the release that only heart openers can provide. Of course, I had to add hip openers and quad stretches. It felt nice to loosen up from tip toe to crown. I left feeling much more relaxed.

My runkeeper shirt (in a mirror)

My running was interrupted by New Years. I was feeling so tired and we had plans to do some dancing this year with some friends so no run on Thursday. Instead, I danced for roughly three hours. I figure that has to count for something. Friday I had the potential to run 3 miles but I slept hard till the rest of our plans caught up with me.

Saturday had me a flare from the excitement of the holidays. I was very disappointed. I, generally, try to ignore the myalgia but sometimes it’s rather insistent. That’s when my fiancé surprised me with an early birthday present. We spent the better part of the day getting my new bearded dragon settled in. I have named him Karn and he is a little squirrelly but mostly likes to hang out and watch things.

Sunday I had me a run. Sunday I finally had enough of no running and started out at 6am with my favorites streaming on IHeart. I got to use my hat with LEDs and all my reflective gear. It was cold, low 20’s, but not too cold. Two layers on top, one layer on bottom, gloves, and headband properly prepared me for the weather. I wore my trail shoes to help navigate the snowy terrain.

Which gets me on a sore spot on the run. Well, to be honest, I wanted to turn around and go home for the first six miles. I had a banana on my way out but only one Gu pack. And that might have been fine but I had to fight with winter. Or rather people who don’t deal with winter. There was ice all over but that is to be expected. But the bike path I run was not cleared, nor sidewalks that the city was in charge of like by parks or freeways. Businesses didn’t clear their snow. Residents left it all sitting on their sidewalks. Sometimes, there isn’t a safe place to run on the road. I could deal with the ice but the plow packed snow just killed me. I just wanted to go home and give up.

But I kept saying, just make it to the next light, or that mailbox. I accepted that this run was going to be more about the miles than pace. I was getting so frustrated and, then, I heard a guided meditation come on my IHeart station. Her voice reminded me to breathe and relax my shoulders and hips. She reminded me to let go. And I did. And it helped. I still got frustrated during the run with all the roadblocks but each unshoveled sidewalk gave me a chance to let go and just enjoy the experience. (Maybe with a little swearing.)

One of the other things that was annoying me was my underpants. Make sure you wear proper underpants or you can have the experience that I did where they roll down. Didn’t matter how many times I chased them down and pulled them back up, they would just roll back down again. I don’t know if they were too big or too small but I will not be wearing those again.

The dog also upset my serenity, the serenity I was hoping to find on that run. She decided that she just didn’t need to bark at the dogs but lunge and growl. We ran into a number of dogs. The most frustrating part of it all is that she is actually friendly and would like to play. Most people don’t see her and think friendly. That’s one thing we’ll be working on when we thaw out.

So what did I learn on this run? Suck it up, buttercup. Sort of. I needed to accept my limitations on Saturday but I knew that my desire to stop on Sunday was mental. Much of running is mental. In the beginning, I had a heck of time running for ten minutes at any speed. And now, aside from snowy barriers, I can run 3 hours without stopping. My brain still tries to tell me I can’t do it, but I know better. The last half of the run was pleasant because I had finally managed to shush my mind and enjoy my music. I’m so glad I kept going.

First Half Marathon Distance and the Evil 5k

Lazy. I was lazy on Friday and I didn’t go to aerial yoga. I was feeling tired. I’d had a few late nights and the Packer game on Thursday went very late. And I’m so glad I stayed up for the whole game unlike so many who gave up after the 1^st quarter when things were looking so grim. I did a little yoga at home. I was so lazy I didn’t even do aerial at home, just regular ground yoga.

Saturday I had an 11 mile run in mind. The weather was nice. The dog woke me up at 4:30am which was also nice because I could get my run in and then take a nap and still get up at a “normal” Saturday time of 9 or 10. I wore my Saucony Rides. Long runs on the road means comfy padded shoes are needed. I love my Xodus GTX but those are for wet runs. It was foggy and beautiful but not wet. I went light and even then I wanted to remove layers. Music was a list of my favorites from Iheart. Dog was anxious to go. I can’t say I was. The distance was a bit intimidating. Only in spring, I couldn’t even run a mile.

The run started a bit rough. I couldn’t find my pace, Runkeeper was being a poop, my music kept stalling out, and the dog kept stopping to pee. Finally, everything started to bend to my will. I wanted to keep slow so I didn’t wear myself out. I started out with a half a pack of watermelon Gu with the plan of taking a half pack every 4 miles, raspberry was the other flavor. I think the Gu is very helpful with long runs. I could feel when it kicked in and when it wore off some.

The mileage went pretty fast except on some of those straight a ways. Oh, those were tough. I could see where I wanted to go and that spot just didn’t seem to get any closer. My fiancé’s words kept ricocheting around in my head between song lyrics. “Be kind to yourself.” I wanted to get on myself that my slow pace but I was doing fine. Speed comes after distance. The whole run was pretty comfortable. After a certain point, my legs were moving on their own as naturally as my body knew to inhale and exhale or how my heart would beat all on it’s own. My mind sang the lyrics, checking in with pain to make sure it wasn’t serious. Pain is part of my life so it is vital for me to check in and ask myself “real or not real.” While all the pain is real, what I really ask myself is the pain proportionate to the area. My body exaggerates it’s reaction to pain stimulus. But I did well. My miles slowly built in speed until my last mile was my fastest.

Around mile 8, I made a decision. In my previous runs, I had a nagging urge to run 13 miles but I wanted to trust the plan. However, I had decided to abandon the plan around mile 6. I can’t say it’s serving my running needs any more. I think I need more speed intervals. Distances were getting longer but my speeds were still turtle-like. Anyway, I decided to add 2 miles to my run. I was feeling good. Actually, I wasn’t feeling much at all. I hear that’s a good thing. I did some maths in my head and figured where I could find the mileage. About this time, I started getting dirty looks from the dog. I told her she was a border collie and to keep going. We past the zoo and she was surprised by monkey and elephant noises. When we past a local coffee shop, we ran into a pack of santas roaming on bicycles. I’m not sure which freaked out the dog more. At mile 11.5, I died. Those legs I couldn’t feel started to feel like cement, slogging thru cement. Part of me whispered, “Stop at 12. It’ ok. You still did great.” But if I could do 12, I could do 13. Pure determination got me thru. They say running is a mental game and I think I won.

The smile is because I can't feel my legs. 

Runkeeper had a virtual race on Sunday. It was a 5k and I thought that was doable.

I had just done 13 miles on Saturday. A 5k couldn’t be that bad. It was the longest three miles of my life. How I felt during the last part of Satuday’s run was how I felt during the whole run. All of it. I wanted to quit and go home, I wanted to stop and walk. I wanted to do anything but run. The dog felt the same way judging from the piercing glares I was getting. I tried to be positive but I think I used up all my positive thinking on Saturday. The good news is I’m stubborn. And I finished and I did not walk. It wasn’t my fastest time and it wasn’t my slowest run but it was definitely one of my hardest. Originally, I didn’t plan on getting a t-shirt for this race. It felt not quite like a race because it was virtual. After finishing this race, I realized I needed that shirt. I also want one of those 13.1 stickers for my station wagon.

Really, it was a triumphant weekend. I did 18ish miles. I did a half marathon. I ran thru all my discomfort and doubt to victory. A victory that seemed impossible in April.