finding my stride

I’ve been trying to find my stride in my life and I’m not doing it so well.

I don’t like change. I am not a fan. I have a hard time riding the wave and seeing where it all goes.

Not a lot has changed. Which is the problem, not so much a problem as an issue.

My training for some serious distance running has been slack. It’s been hot, super rainy, or I’ve been too tired. I’m lucky if I get out for a couple of runs a week for some easy 4 mile runs. I will not be able to run any marathons at this rate.

It isn’t that I don’t like running. I do. But I’m really, really good at excuses. And so mornings and free nights are spent in bed or on the couch. Spending time snuggling with Cuddler or hiding under the covers sounds so much better than doing something requiring effort. So, what needs to happen? I need to stop making excuses and suck it up as I’ve espoused in the past.

Excuses and idiopathic hypersomnia. AKA I’m tired and there isn’t really a reason. My doctors believe it might be to do with my Behcets. Tired really doesn’t describe it accurately. Exhaustion. Falling asleep while typing away at work. Closing my eyes and waking up many many hours later. The doctors also believe running will help regulate my sleeping cycle.

Aerial yoga, hammock and lyra are my form of exercise for the time being. We have lots of fun in class. I’ve a core group that come and most new students are fun too. Working with kids helps my creativity. Low aerial allows us to let go of the week and any stress and anxiety we’ve gathered. Foundations is fun, watching the spark get lit in new students. And Saturdays are mornings with dear people. We explore and try new things. Sometimes we do well and sometimes new things don’t work out quite as well. Every week we push the boundaries and rejoice at new frontiers.

And Little Bear is doing well. She is still anxious but there is trust. She has stopped running from me. Sometimes I get kisses. I always get a happy dance performance when I return home. When the leash comes out, she tries so hard to sit down like a good girl but she is so excited her butt doesn’t stop wiggling. We work on being carried, sitting together, coming when called and more.

Cuddler has accepted the new dog pretty well. I was told that an older female collie would not do well with another female. We’ve had our moments but they are buds. She has a friend to keep her company during the day and she teaches Little Bear how to deal with new things like the mailwoman.

Physically, I don’t feel well but, less tangibly, I am content and winding up to change. Change now.

The past has taught me that I change when I feel so uncomfortable my skin feels the wrong size like Eustace in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader. The time will come when I will pull off the scales and be born anew. Maybe the new person is a marathon runner. Or maybe I’ll become an interior designer. Maybe I’ll finally figure out which masters program I want to apply to. Whoever that person is she will be wonderful.

Never say never

Oh, I could never…

I hear that a lot. I hear it about running and I hear it about aerial yoga. And it makes me sad. I say it about a few things like bungee jumping and sky diving but otherwise, why not give it a go?

I started aerial yoga because someone at my old work thought it would be a good fit for me. I’m not sure why she thought that but she did and she encouraged me to try it. Part of me wanted to say no. No because it seemed like an absurd idea. Because I’m a couch potato at heart. Because I have no upper body strength. But at the same time I was working on being more open. I didn’t really have a reason to say no, just some excuses. And I’m thrilled that I did it. I was hooked from the first class. Yes, there were bruises and aches. I’m not the best at it but I do love it.

What does aerial yoga do? In my opinion only, and I don’t have a medical background, it helps me be me. It helps me stretch out my joints in a way that even regular, ground yoga cannot. The fabric supports me and gravity helps me. Ground yoga hurts and takes days to recover due to my autoimmune disorder. Mostly, I’m fine the next day after an aerial yoga class. In fact, there have been days that I walked into class sore and in pain and walked out feeling like a new woman. It strengthens my muscles and joints helping me with my overall achiness. It also takes any mental stress away. I leave it on the silks as one teacher told me. Frustration, anxiety or anger can all be worked through and left behind. Being a klutz, aerial yoga increases my balance. I don’t know if I’m graceful yet but I have a tendency not to fall or trip as much. I am also much more aware of my body. It lets me be creative in expressing myself.

And low aerial yoga is even less intimidating. You are just a few inches off the ground. Most of the time you have at least one body part on the ground. Often, low aerial yoga is restorative where you hold poses a little bit longer and focus even more on breath and body awareness. Nearly anyone can do it. It’s still not easy and your body will still get a full workout but at the same time you get to stretch out. I love having my class on Wednesday because it’s conveniently placed midweek. We work out all the stress from the week so far and anxiety for the week or weekend ahead. Generally, we also share both good and bad feelings. Just to get it out. Sometimes, that’s all you need to feel better. I like to play modern folk music. Yoga music often made me unsettled as it was so unfamiliar. Meditation is also important. We do one at the beginning and one at the end of class. Sometimes, it will be a body sweep or a mind sweep where we become aware of what we are feeling physically or emotionally.

See, aerial yoga doesn’t seem so scary now does it? You should come try it.

Running is like meditation to me. It connects me to my mind and body. My body might be crying out to stop but my mind says “nope.” I was not a runner. If I was running something big was coming that I couldn’t beat up. Then, one day I was logging my walk with the dog and I looked at someone else’s log of their run for the same time and the difference in the calorie burn. I wanted that calorie burn. I like to eat and to have that many extra calories per day sounded good to me.

What I found was that I enjoy it. While I do it, because convincing myself to do it can be hard. It’s hot and sweaty and I’m slow and will probably never win a race. And I love it. I never thought I would, but there is something powerful about pushing your body to its limits. Limits that are further away than I thought they were. When I started a 5k seemed out of reach and in May I ran a half marathon. That seemed impossible two years ago.

So don’t sell yourself short. You never know what you might like doing. You might like running, hiking, knitting, crafts or hot air ballooning. But if you say, “I could never…” you won’t discover a possible joy in your life. Say yes, take a chance. Make a change. You will never know what you are capable of unless you try.

That’s your pep talk. Go forth and be joyful!

Post-Half Marathon

So what happens after a half marathon?

Well, I plan on how to improve.

Not a whole lot has happened since the race. I’ve had my aerial class which was nice. I enjoy the oasis in the middle of the week and I will take time to practice even when I don’t have a class. In some things, you can find joy and serenity all wrapped in one. I find I can do that, especially when I add a flow or strength element to it.

The week after the race I took the week off from running. I think it’s usual to maybe have a few jogs but I was hurting and I thought to take it easy. Lots of walking and stretching. My autoimmune popped up a bit but the rest nipped it in the bud.

Truthfully, the night after I ran the race, I was already looking at training suggestions. I could barely walk but I was already looking to torture myself again. Maybe the next race will be flat.

So I did run Tuesday morning. It was a hill and sprint run. It was hard. I was dripping in sweat. Sometimes, I would catch myself staring at the clock and not at Daredevil even though we’ve gotten to the Punisher part in the series. (Now there is a movie to be made that would benefit from an R rating. And I want to see it)

And it was tough. I almost fell twice while wiping sweat off my face. My chest feels a little gunky still. There may have been some bargaining going on too. Just make it 30 seconds, and then you can stop. I felt out of practice and I probably was. I did feel strong. I was wearing a Door County HM shirt. I felt comfortable enough but I just didn’t feel great. I need greater aerobic ability. I feel like that was my undoing.

I ran again on Thursday and that felt even worse. But the goal was slow and easy with some sprints and hills for part of it. I dialed it down a bit. I might be suffering a bit from over training. Or undertraining. It’s hard to tell when you have an autoimmune. Too much training and you’re tired and worn out. Too little and you’re tired and worn out. By continuing to work on my aerobic base and maybe doing some more strength training, I should be able to greatly improve my performance. But I have to do it. And right now running feels a little discouraging.

Maybe I should take up swimming. And biking. Maybe I should be a triathlete. Yup, this former coach potato suggested the possibility of me taking up three sports. Because why not? I can do a half marathon. So why not do other seemingly impossibly things?

And that was about it. We are getting ready for the wedding in two weeks. A lot of time is spent on final preparations. We did go to the zoo so that even though I did not run, I definitely was moving this weekend.

I also got the potted garden finished. The plan is that me and the husband to be can eat everything planted. And so can the bearded dragon, except for the herbs. The bunnies can be voracious so I hope the height will be a small deterrent. It was fun. The dog sat in the shade for the most part. The bearded dragon took off. There was hunting and scratches but she was found. And was very ungrateful about being found. Despite that she got to taste her first hibiscus and it was a hit. Someone is getting a leash ordered for her today though.

I hope to get some aerobic activities in these next two weeks. I want to make a little extra breathing room in the wedding dress. And I want to make room for any stress or convenience eating that happens during preparations.

These next two weeks will be interesting and busy and I will do my best to report in before the wedding. I will also try to make a couple of honeymoon entries. The scenery will call for a mile or two jog while we are traveling thru sea stacks and redwoods. 

Wedding Hair Dye Complete

From a previous trip

Tuesday Report

Happy Tuesday

Friday and Saturday I covered for a couple of the teachers who were off in Chicago doing circus stuff.

Friday, we covered basics. The studio had teacher training. I focused on describing why I do what I do. The trainees had some experience with aerial yoga which made life easier. They did well. I think they’ll make good teachers. The second class was fun. Girl Scouts and their moms. This gave the trainees a chance to work with kids, which is a whole different world. The class did wonderful. They all had fun as we went thru a similar group of asanas as the previous class, but made it more fun. Yoga poses were completed with fun little stories. Kids bring a whole different energy to a yoga class. I also discovered Lularoe leggings. I went home with blue and silver tiger striped leggings and one with clouds and suns.

Saturday, the class was a little bit more challenging. We had a new student but she was game for whatever. So were the trainees. Two regulars showed up too. I asked the class what they wanted to do and we ended up with some strength work. I also included a vinyasa side locust series to show how to link static poses together. The studio owner requested I do a few poses so she didn’t have to demonstrate them later. We did those. We also worked on some trouble areas for new students. Everyone seemed onboard and excited with class. We opened the door and let some fresh air and the sounds of weekend life into the studio. It was a very refreshing class.

Sunday, I did not do a long run. I had intentions but then life got a little busy. The dog got to run. She went with us to a friend’s house and she got to run around the backyard with her little buddy. By the end of the visit, she was pooped and lay panting in the shade, while the little one continued to bounce on her.

Then, of course, there was Game of Thrones. A Buzzfeed quiz put me in House Stark. The dog and I watched the show. The dragon did not want to watch the show. My Sunday evenings will now consist of cider and a visit to Westeros. Frequently, the dog watches with me but the fiancé is not as enthralled as we are.

I ran this morning. I wore my Brooks and my new cloud leggings. I felt rather perky and awake. The run went great. Well, the first few minutes were rough as they usually are. But then Daredevil got really good and I didn’t notice how tired I was getting. One of the students from yoga is doing the 5k in Door County but she wanted to see what the half marathon course was like. On Saturday, she told me that it’s one big hill. My new strategy is work on hills and continuous running. Speed is nice but if the hill takes me out, nothing else matters.

It felt like I could have easily kept going. Mostly, I left the treadmill on 5.2mph with one break. This should give me a 2:50:00 time for my half. At level three, it seemed easy enough. Maybe the next run, I’ll try level four. Next week, I’ll need to take it a little easy to keep my legs fresh.

So that’s it. I wonder what the rest of this week will hold. 

Keep Moving

The weekend is nearly here. It was a long week.

I’m so glad to have a way to let things go. Between running and aerial yoga, there is a lot of peace to be gained.

This past weekend was my bachelorette party. Lots of love and lush Saturday. Sunday was a do nothing day. I think it was wise not to push and to recover from a once in a lifetime party/girls night out. I spent most of my day on the couch with saltines and sipping soda. Hung out with the dog, and Karn the Dragon. We also have a new friend. He has no name as of yet other than Dumpy, which is the kind of frog he is.

Before 

After

New Buddy

I ran Tuesday and Wednesday. I’ve been tired. And I’ve been slacking. I went to the gym and went for some good runs. Both these runs have been tough. I feel like I just can’t catch my breath. My legs are tired from the start and never wake up. Nothing has changed. But I’m struggling. A few other times, I’ve had these runs, the kind you just suck it up and do it. I could quit but really there is nothing wrong with me other than being tired. No reason to quit, just to keep going.

I really need to keep going. I’ve gotten two emails from the administrators of the Door County Half Marathon, including the one with the list of places to get my pasta the night before and a sneak peek at our shirts. Part of me is hoping I can snag a short sleeve version of the shirts for the 5k. The long sleeve shirt will not get a lot of wear with the seasons starting to change. I’m anxious and excited for the race and the trip up to Door County. We used to go there with my fiance’s family. It’s a wonderfully quiet place. The scenery is stunning and the food is even better. There is a fudge store in Fish Creek that is a required stop.

Anyways, Wednesday night I taught a class where is stayed in the fabric as much as possible. Fabric kept us warm in the chilly studio. We stretched out the quads and hamstrings, hitting all the basic poses. It was a small class.

Tonight I will be teaching at least 2 classes and maybe a third. We have some student teachers in house and a Girl Scout party. Beginners are always fun. Especially when we have a person who’s heart falls in love with this practice on the spot. And I’ve another class tomorrow. Subbing is a great way to meet new students and to grow in my own practice. Different students help me stretch my practice in different ways. It helps me learn new cues to give students and each student learns differently.

And I’ve got to run. May 7^th will come way too quickly.

The fudge better be worth it

Hello, Are you out there?

Well, hello again. I promise I haven’t abandoned you. As so often happens, life has gotten in the way. Between wedding and work, time has been at a premium.

Last Tuesday, I went for run before work. I’ve developed a plan to help increase my pace. It seems to be working and I can adjust it for the day’s need. I start with a regular five minute warm up and then start the work. Typically, I start at 5mph and each minute build up. And then build down. The first time around, I keep it slow, not building past 5.6mph. Second time, I build up to 6.7mph. And then back down again. How many times this is repeated is dependent on how long my run time is. It gives me an opportunity to work on pace and intervals at the same time. Even though it is an interval workout, it isn’t easy. I was dripping in sweat.

So here is the before picture

Wednesday, we had an airing aerial yoga class. The students and I had to let things go. We needed to air our frustrations out but not have any one try to fix it. Just say it and let it go. I would like to think we all felt a little lighter leaving class. In yoga, we talk about a mind body connection. Sometimes, where our minds go, our body follows. If our thoughts are kinda ugly, our bodies can go south too. In the beginning of class, we start with a seated meditation. Last Wednesday, we mentally swept our minds of all those things dragging us down. At the end of the class, we reminded ourselves that we are supported and safe and able to deal with whatever life was swinging at us.

I had the intent to run Thursday and Friday and Saturday, but it didn’t happen. I’ve been battling some exhaustion and a busy life.

We went to an Ani Difranco concert Friday night

So running on Monday happened. And I copied my workout plan but started at 5.2mph. I’m still slow. It’s ok. I remind myself that I just started running a year ago. I’ve been adding hills to my walking portions. A little birdie told me that my half marathon has some rather large hills. I don’t want to be surprised again like I was with the Great Pi Run.

Monday was rough. I felt like I couldn’t get going or catch my breath. Even before that, I had forgotten pants. No running pants. No running pants no run. Thankfully, my gym has clothes for sale and I got some shorts. They were super comfortable and unisex, so they weren’t short. They were long. I rolled them up so they weren’t knee length. It was an awfully sweaty run. But satisfactory.

Now this Wednesday, this Wednesday was fun. Last Wednesday, we did a little “foam rolling” with the fabrics. So I planned a whole aerial yoga rolling class. It was wonderful and painful all at once. In the past, I had a trigger point massage one day. The day of and the day after left me uncomfortable and sore. But the day after that, I felt so pain free. Foam rolling is of a similar concept. It is a popular way to work out sore muscles especially with runners. I’ve heard a lot of people with fibromyalgia use it as well.

I applied the concept to the low aerial yoga. It went really well. We used traditional yoga moves modified to let the fabric roll on certain muscle groups. The phrase “it hurts so good” surely applies here. Besides working out achy muscles and achieving myofascial release, it was great working on core, back, and arms. There was a lot of groaning after finding the spot. At the end of class, everyone expressed their happiness with the new class. I mentioned I might bring to a class I’ll be subbing for on the 22^nd and that sparked some interest as well. I think it was a successful class. Admittedly, I’m a little sore today but tomorrow will be better.

Studio was freezing this morning. Stayed in my coat for a bit.

Tomorrow, I plan on running. A few times, I’ve said I’m too tired to get up but I have found that I’m more tired and continue to get tired when I don’t get my butt up and run. Also, I don’t have to go to the gym to run either. I sometimes forget that I was a road runner first. When I run on the road, I don’t have the control that I get on a treadmill. The treadmill lets me fine tune what I want to do in a way that I cannot outside. They both have their benefits.

I love my active life. And it’s not as active as some and more active than others. At the same time, it’s really easy to fall into bad habits. I must be on guard. I’m looking forward to the half marathon. I just need to keep training and keep using my aerial yoga for recovery.

In the meantime, here is Karn sunbathing and straight up bathing

Also here are a few pets available at our local Hwy 100 at Petworld