finding my stride

I’ve been trying to find my stride in my life and I’m not doing it so well.

I don’t like change. I am not a fan. I have a hard time riding the wave and seeing where it all goes.

Not a lot has changed. Which is the problem, not so much a problem as an issue.

My training for some serious distance running has been slack. It’s been hot, super rainy, or I’ve been too tired. I’m lucky if I get out for a couple of runs a week for some easy 4 mile runs. I will not be able to run any marathons at this rate.

It isn’t that I don’t like running. I do. But I’m really, really good at excuses. And so mornings and free nights are spent in bed or on the couch. Spending time snuggling with Cuddler or hiding under the covers sounds so much better than doing something requiring effort. So, what needs to happen? I need to stop making excuses and suck it up as I’ve espoused in the past.

Excuses and idiopathic hypersomnia. AKA I’m tired and there isn’t really a reason. My doctors believe it might be to do with my Behcets. Tired really doesn’t describe it accurately. Exhaustion. Falling asleep while typing away at work. Closing my eyes and waking up many many hours later. The doctors also believe running will help regulate my sleeping cycle.

Aerial yoga, hammock and lyra are my form of exercise for the time being. We have lots of fun in class. I’ve a core group that come and most new students are fun too. Working with kids helps my creativity. Low aerial allows us to let go of the week and any stress and anxiety we’ve gathered. Foundations is fun, watching the spark get lit in new students. And Saturdays are mornings with dear people. We explore and try new things. Sometimes we do well and sometimes new things don’t work out quite as well. Every week we push the boundaries and rejoice at new frontiers.

And Little Bear is doing well. She is still anxious but there is trust. She has stopped running from me. Sometimes I get kisses. I always get a happy dance performance when I return home. When the leash comes out, she tries so hard to sit down like a good girl but she is so excited her butt doesn’t stop wiggling. We work on being carried, sitting together, coming when called and more.

Cuddler has accepted the new dog pretty well. I was told that an older female collie would not do well with another female. We’ve had our moments but they are buds. She has a friend to keep her company during the day and she teaches Little Bear how to deal with new things like the mailwoman.

Physically, I don’t feel well but, less tangibly, I am content and winding up to change. Change now.

The past has taught me that I change when I feel so uncomfortable my skin feels the wrong size like Eustace in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader. The time will come when I will pull off the scales and be born anew. Maybe the new person is a marathon runner. Or maybe I’ll become an interior designer. Maybe I’ll finally figure out which masters program I want to apply to. Whoever that person is she will be wonderful.

Wohoo

I promise I've been active. There haven't been a whole lot of pictures

I've had two interval runs. and I always walk away from the run saying I'll be at the gym more. But I've only made it twice in the past two weeks. I've done some walking with pokemon on my lunch. However, it's getting super hot. And I don't do heat well. I hate heat. And humidity. I also turn into a whiney little thing. 

New news is I've begun foam rolling. Once a week after my low aerial yoga class, I now get to teach a foam rolling class. It's a lot of fun. It hurts but it's fun and is good for me. You wouldn't think that something that looks like an oversized pool noodle could hurt so dang much but you would certainly be wrong. Being a new class and practice, I've been doing a lot of research both with websites and talking to other yoga teachers. Don't spend too long in an area. Avoid rolling the lower back but you can use the foam roller as a tool for bridge. Ditto for the neck. Using it 2-5xs a week is best and I'm not great at that. My roller sits in my trunk waiting for Wednesdays. It is sort of a full body workout too. There are body contortions you have to do, and planks. So far I've had class each week with a few students. I hope that it continues to be successful and maybe we can get a few people into low aerial after watching it while waiting for class. Peek some interest. 

The lyra is still a painful partner. Instagram is helping me find new interest in aerial yoga and aerial hammock (not the same). We do Friday Night Live as a studio during the summer. It's a street festival every Friday. I've run into old classmates and coworkers. It's so much fun and opens conversations. It helps I think that we are also all different body types. We aren't all the lithe yoga woman everyone conjures up when they think yogi. We are short, tall, skinny, curvy, young, not so young. I think, we embodied that yoga is for every body. There are as many types of classes and teachers as there are students who want to learn. 

Circus/Lyra hurts

There are a few things that I still need to get done. One is to run more. I feel better overall. Another is to get that legal name change then so I can officially take my hubbies name. I could also use to figure out how to avoid bees. Two bees found it necessary to sting me, once on Friday-so no FNL for me-and one on Sunday and my knee is still not happy. It's not an allergy necessarily but a small reaction combined with my overreactive immune system. When I woke up this morning, it still hurt. One more day of rest. 

And I've started selling some of my photography on Etsy. Printing is done by a local store. The audience is slowly building and then I can figure out what people are most interested in. I had my first sale. I even got a picture of where it was going to hang and the background as to why the buyer wanted that specific picture. This sort of connection makes the sale rather special. I hope other interactions are just as rewarding. So far people are looking at this one the most....

As for now, it's just photos, but maybe in the future I'll learn how to do scented Epson salts or resin jewelry and paperweights with the photos or dried flowers. I'm feeling crafty. Part of me wants to make clothing too. Women's clothing with real pockets that actually hold things. However, the intial investment and the slow return....It's a little prohibitive.

 Life is moving forward. I'm trying to work on the flow. And going with it. Finding the love of life and inhaling it with deep, nourishing breaths. 

And We Are Back

Oh, wow. I’ve been MIA for a while haven’t I?

I’ve only run twice. No reason other than lazy and it’s hot and I’ve not been sleeping well so getting up is very hard to do.

But the running has been feeling great. When I’ve been doing it. It feels good to express myself thru it. How? Because I’m pushing myself and I’m expressing my determination. I’m expressing my willingness to put myself thru great discomfort. Running isn’t really easy. When you start, your brain says nope. But you have to keep going through that. It is literally mind over matter. I could use the shirt that says that.

Then, there is the wall you hit when you’ve run for a while and your body goes “nope.” And it’s easy to just give in but that’s why you train. If you train, your brain just goes in to auto-drive and the legs keep moving. I hit it when I did my half marathon. It was hard. I wanted to quit so bad. My body was cramping and crying for a chair or a tree stump. But no, my brain overrode my body, overrode it’s safety protocols.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m slow. Very slow. Turtles have nothing on me. But I can keep going. My mother always said I was stubborn. And here is where it comes in handy.

Part of the reason I’ve been taking it easy is I’m in the middle of a little flare. It’s not full blown but it’s hard to do things. My skin hurts, I’m tired all the time, and my joints are aching. When this happens, I have a choice to make. Run or not. I have to ask myself if it’s beneficial in the future. Will it do more harm than good. Last night, I had every intention of going to bed early and running this morning. I even slept in running clothes. But my discomfort kept me awake. To get up and run would leave me with a 2 hour sleep deficit. When I’m going through things like this, it’s important to get rest. It helps with the healing and recovery.

I have been using my fabric at home for basic aerial yoga and doing restorative aerial in class. Less power and more deep stretches. I think it’s been going well. It’s hard to tell in a flare. But I do have a new class on the schedule. Foam Rolling. It’s always a love hate relationship. My first class was this past Wednesday. I had three very different people join me in the class. It hurt. I have no metaphor or simile to describe how bad it hurt. When you leave class, you feel completely beat up. It takes a day or two to feel the improvement in your body.

While I skipped the last Friday night live, I’ve been doing research on how to improve my lyra and aerial hammock. I’ve put them aside to run and now I need to find greater balance but I need to keep challenging myself like I do with running. There is the flow in the hammock that I need to improve. I need to find grace. With lyra, I just need to learn it. It’s a new apparatus for me and it’s painful.

So what’s the take away? Balance. I need to find balance in my life. Good food, healthy food, snack food. Emotionally, it’s good to feel the full range of feelings. Running and aerial stuff helps me find a safe place to express my emotions and sort thru them. Autoimmune flares makes me think about does this serve me or hurt me. Exercise should be balanced too. Cardio and strength training lead to a well balanced person.

Two more things.

I play Pokemongo. It’s fun and it lets me get some walking miles in. I found a wild Pikachu. I’m hunting Evies so I can have all three.

I also opened an Etsy Store. It has some of my photography. I already had an old cafepress store but it seems like an Etsy Store is where things are at. It might also have some other things as I get crafty. Maybe Epson salts or resin jewelry. I still have to figure out what I want to do.

The Natural Heart

EnfireDesigns-CafePress

So that’s it. I will see you sooner than later.

Tuesday Report

Happy Tuesday

Friday and Saturday I covered for a couple of the teachers who were off in Chicago doing circus stuff.

Friday, we covered basics. The studio had teacher training. I focused on describing why I do what I do. The trainees had some experience with aerial yoga which made life easier. They did well. I think they’ll make good teachers. The second class was fun. Girl Scouts and their moms. This gave the trainees a chance to work with kids, which is a whole different world. The class did wonderful. They all had fun as we went thru a similar group of asanas as the previous class, but made it more fun. Yoga poses were completed with fun little stories. Kids bring a whole different energy to a yoga class. I also discovered Lularoe leggings. I went home with blue and silver tiger striped leggings and one with clouds and suns.

Saturday, the class was a little bit more challenging. We had a new student but she was game for whatever. So were the trainees. Two regulars showed up too. I asked the class what they wanted to do and we ended up with some strength work. I also included a vinyasa side locust series to show how to link static poses together. The studio owner requested I do a few poses so she didn’t have to demonstrate them later. We did those. We also worked on some trouble areas for new students. Everyone seemed onboard and excited with class. We opened the door and let some fresh air and the sounds of weekend life into the studio. It was a very refreshing class.

Sunday, I did not do a long run. I had intentions but then life got a little busy. The dog got to run. She went with us to a friend’s house and she got to run around the backyard with her little buddy. By the end of the visit, she was pooped and lay panting in the shade, while the little one continued to bounce on her.

Then, of course, there was Game of Thrones. A Buzzfeed quiz put me in House Stark. The dog and I watched the show. The dragon did not want to watch the show. My Sunday evenings will now consist of cider and a visit to Westeros. Frequently, the dog watches with me but the fiancé is not as enthralled as we are.

I ran this morning. I wore my Brooks and my new cloud leggings. I felt rather perky and awake. The run went great. Well, the first few minutes were rough as they usually are. But then Daredevil got really good and I didn’t notice how tired I was getting. One of the students from yoga is doing the 5k in Door County but she wanted to see what the half marathon course was like. On Saturday, she told me that it’s one big hill. My new strategy is work on hills and continuous running. Speed is nice but if the hill takes me out, nothing else matters.

It felt like I could have easily kept going. Mostly, I left the treadmill on 5.2mph with one break. This should give me a 2:50:00 time for my half. At level three, it seemed easy enough. Maybe the next run, I’ll try level four. Next week, I’ll need to take it a little easy to keep my legs fresh.

So that’s it. I wonder what the rest of this week will hold. 

Hello, Are you out there?

Well, hello again. I promise I haven’t abandoned you. As so often happens, life has gotten in the way. Between wedding and work, time has been at a premium.

Last Tuesday, I went for run before work. I’ve developed a plan to help increase my pace. It seems to be working and I can adjust it for the day’s need. I start with a regular five minute warm up and then start the work. Typically, I start at 5mph and each minute build up. And then build down. The first time around, I keep it slow, not building past 5.6mph. Second time, I build up to 6.7mph. And then back down again. How many times this is repeated is dependent on how long my run time is. It gives me an opportunity to work on pace and intervals at the same time. Even though it is an interval workout, it isn’t easy. I was dripping in sweat.

So here is the before picture

Wednesday, we had an airing aerial yoga class. The students and I had to let things go. We needed to air our frustrations out but not have any one try to fix it. Just say it and let it go. I would like to think we all felt a little lighter leaving class. In yoga, we talk about a mind body connection. Sometimes, where our minds go, our body follows. If our thoughts are kinda ugly, our bodies can go south too. In the beginning of class, we start with a seated meditation. Last Wednesday, we mentally swept our minds of all those things dragging us down. At the end of the class, we reminded ourselves that we are supported and safe and able to deal with whatever life was swinging at us.

I had the intent to run Thursday and Friday and Saturday, but it didn’t happen. I’ve been battling some exhaustion and a busy life.

We went to an Ani Difranco concert Friday night

So running on Monday happened. And I copied my workout plan but started at 5.2mph. I’m still slow. It’s ok. I remind myself that I just started running a year ago. I’ve been adding hills to my walking portions. A little birdie told me that my half marathon has some rather large hills. I don’t want to be surprised again like I was with the Great Pi Run.

Monday was rough. I felt like I couldn’t get going or catch my breath. Even before that, I had forgotten pants. No running pants. No running pants no run. Thankfully, my gym has clothes for sale and I got some shorts. They were super comfortable and unisex, so they weren’t short. They were long. I rolled them up so they weren’t knee length. It was an awfully sweaty run. But satisfactory.

Now this Wednesday, this Wednesday was fun. Last Wednesday, we did a little “foam rolling” with the fabrics. So I planned a whole aerial yoga rolling class. It was wonderful and painful all at once. In the past, I had a trigger point massage one day. The day of and the day after left me uncomfortable and sore. But the day after that, I felt so pain free. Foam rolling is of a similar concept. It is a popular way to work out sore muscles especially with runners. I’ve heard a lot of people with fibromyalgia use it as well.

I applied the concept to the low aerial yoga. It went really well. We used traditional yoga moves modified to let the fabric roll on certain muscle groups. The phrase “it hurts so good” surely applies here. Besides working out achy muscles and achieving myofascial release, it was great working on core, back, and arms. There was a lot of groaning after finding the spot. At the end of class, everyone expressed their happiness with the new class. I mentioned I might bring to a class I’ll be subbing for on the 22^nd and that sparked some interest as well. I think it was a successful class. Admittedly, I’m a little sore today but tomorrow will be better.

Studio was freezing this morning. Stayed in my coat for a bit.

Tomorrow, I plan on running. A few times, I’ve said I’m too tired to get up but I have found that I’m more tired and continue to get tired when I don’t get my butt up and run. Also, I don’t have to go to the gym to run either. I sometimes forget that I was a road runner first. When I run on the road, I don’t have the control that I get on a treadmill. The treadmill lets me fine tune what I want to do in a way that I cannot outside. They both have their benefits.

I love my active life. And it’s not as active as some and more active than others. At the same time, it’s really easy to fall into bad habits. I must be on guard. I’m looking forward to the half marathon. I just need to keep training and keep using my aerial yoga for recovery.

In the meantime, here is Karn sunbathing and straight up bathing

Also here are a few pets available at our local Hwy 100 at Petworld

It's Morning, Get up!

I feel great. Well, my body is a little stiff, but my mind is doing great. Between the yoga and running, I’m feeling content and very comfortable with life right now.

On Monday, I got to the gym. I packed my lunch the night before to get a few extra minutes. The first mile was hard. I felt out of practice. I had on long leggings and my Great Pi Race tech shirt. My trusty phone was distracting me with Daredevil Season 1. I’m not a hundred percent into the series but I like to stay up to date with the all the marvel universe stuff. The long leggings were maybe a bad choice. I got hot right away and starting sweating. Like serious sweat dripping from my brow. Sometimes, I get a little self-conscious because I know my face is tomato red and I sweat like a pig (Pigs don’t actually sweat do they?) My pace is slow.

PreRun Picture

But I am running. This in and of itself is a success as I never thought I would be running and especially not at 4:30am on a weekday. I like the idea of sweat is fat crying. I know it’s not true because if that was the case, I would be at my race weight, but still it sounds cool. The red face lets everyone know I’m working my butt off and maybe it inspires someone else to give a little extra. And my pace, my pace is slowly growing faster. I started running slow a 13:00 pace and now I’ve improved to 11:30 on my morning runs. It’s still slow but I’m continuing to improve.

At the end of my Monday run, I had gotten in 6.13 miles. It was nice to get that distance in. I’ve still got the half marathon and that’s 13 miles with hills. There is still a lot of work ahead of me but I did it in the past and I know I can do it again.

Wednesday night I had a full class. 3 regulars and 3 newbies. I made sure to make it fun and light. Sometimes, trying new things can be very intimidating. We worked on getting comfortable with the fabric. Lots of rolling from front to back and returning to the front. My mind got a little creative so that the regulars and new people were all on the same foot tackling new asanas. Plank and boat series made appearances. Hips and shoulders got worked out. One of my regulars had brought her daughter and after class we worked on coffin to help with tightness in her shoulder and neck.

Inversion Hair. Don't Care

This morning I went for another run. I got a little later start. A little extra sleep seemed good. Driving thru the icy rain this morning, my stomach rumbled with hunger. It probably wouldn’t hurt to put my Gu Chomps in my bag. I don’t mind fasted runs, but it might be nice to do a few runs with the chomps. Especially, when I start going longer. The little boost you get with these gum drops really does help you dig a little deeper.

I was smarter today and wore a tank top and capris. And my brooks. My Saucony trails have gotten a bit of a break. Though I might use them for my half marathon. The Wi-Fi was uncooperative this morning. I thought I might have to run with no music and no daredevil. I’m quite spoiled. I don’t want to hear my panting and pounding feet. Some people feel like it’s a good thing or comforting. I just find it distracting and making my effort more prevalent in my mind. It makes me want to quit because who wants to keep going when they are trying that hard.

It wasn’t an easy run. I ran five min intervals at a comfortable speed and then a much faster speed. If I thought I sweated hard on Monday-well, Monday had nothing on me today. I tried not to watch the clock but it was hard. Very hard. Thankfully, the episode of Daredevil was very engrossing. When I finished, I felt wiped. I wished I could go take a nap rather than hop in my car and go to work. I took a cold shower to halt the sweat and wake me up. And off to work I went.

On my drive, I was feeling accomplished. The sun was just starting to come up and I had already run nearly five miles. I am achy but it was a suck it up buttercup moment this morning when my alarm went off. I made a race commitment and a commitment to myself. I will run that half marathon and I will continue to lose weight and get healthier. 

Are You Breathing?

Are we ready for the weekend? I sure am.

So we are starting with Tuesday. I got up early and went for a run at the gym. I had a virtual 10k I wanted to get done. It’s thru a company called Will Run for Bling and you get a shirt, medal, and racing bib. This particular race benefited the ASPCA. I hauled thru it, getting thru another episode of Jessica Jones. I have to be close to the end which someone spoiled for me. Grrr. But still I need to see the story to the end. I only let myself watch it at the gym. It gives me one more reason to get there. In the morning, I find myself the most motivated too. I have no urge to go anywhere after work.

The run itself wasn’t bad. I wore my race shirt which is adorable. The WiFi at the gym worked pretty well. It only stalled out a few times. I kept pushing up my pace little by little. I’m sure my face matched my shirt. My hair was wet from sweat but I got it done before work. 6.22 miles in 1:13:20 with a pace of 11:47. It’s not my best pace but I’m happy with it. My Brooks shoes are really awesome. They have great cushion without losing stability or feeling like you are slogging thru sand.

Tuesday night I made the lentil and black bean stew from the Runner’s World cookbook. I made some changes though. I added more lentils, used leeks instead of a yellow onion, and added some smoked turkey sausage. It added more protein and a milder onion taste. It was delicious and filling. Judging from how fast it disappeared from the fridge, I think, the fiancé liked it as well.

Wednesday, at yoga, we focused on breathing. It’s one thing I haven’t put much emphasis on before but is an important part of yoga. It helps engage the body and core and also brings one more in touch with their physical self and mind. It helps a person relax into a pose and let go of tension being held in a particular muscle group or joint. This way we can fully express the asana and get the most out of it. I felt very chill leaving the studio.

The next day I had hoped to go to the gym in the morning, but life got in the way. Ice chunk versus rental car’s bumper led to me needing to go in the insurance center and make yet another claim. I do love my insurance company. They make me feel important and comfortable explaining everything and giving me time to read all the paper work. In the past, they have been very generous with a car that got totaled due to a deer.

From Tuesday to today, I’ve been suffering from extreme exhaustion. I’m not sure from what, it could be a flare of some sort. It could be my body recovering from doing an 8k on Saturday and a 10k on Tuesday. I have a few other indications it might be autoimmune related. While I have time to run or workout this evening, I think I’ll give my body more time to recover. We will be going to the gym tomorrow morning as a family.

I’ve been thinking about breathing. Breathing is life giving. No breath no life. I think, we are all familiar with that concept, but what else does breath do. It helps us relax into the situation we find ourselves in. It could be an asana, a hard run, or the second accident in a roughly a week. It helps us find connection to where we stand in life. It brings us back to our body and mind, to the now. And now is all we have.

Just do it!

Just do it! It’s so cliché but so true.

Yesterday, I did some aerial yoga at home. I worked on conditioning/strength and my flexibility. Both have taken a backseat to my running. I would probably even go to more classes but my running has made me a bit tired overall. So my aerial yoga has hit a bit of a lull. I need to get on that and keep improving my yoga vocabulary. Doing aerial yoga at home is nice because I can invert fully and use gravity to help me stretch. I’m frequently stiff when getting out of bed between getting older and myalgia. Doing some gazelles and downward facing dogs really gets me stretched out and ready to face the day.

This morning, I went for a run at the gym. Snow and rain fell last night and a quick look at the roads this morning showed somewhat slippery conditions. So far, I’ve made it with no serious injury and I’d like to keep it that way.

I got there earlier and I was able to park closer. As I was walking in, I wondered if it was ironic that I wanted a close parking spot to the gym entrance. Shouldn’t we all be parking as far away as possible in non-inclement or freezing weather? Mostly, everyone there was fit. There were “normal” people there but a lot of the people seemed very serious about their workout. There was a large turnout for the step class. It was encouraging to see all these people working hard to be fit or get fitter so early in the morning. It pushed me to sweat.

The run itself was hard. Not because of anything in particular but I couldn’t find a good, relaxed pace. I felt like I was breathing thru a scarf. Legs never hit a rhythm. Part of me wanted to quit, and do something else. Anything else. But I kept reminding myself to suck it up and enjoy my Netflix.

I still ran well. It was my second fastest pace. Maybe that’s why it was so rough. The only other time I ran that fast was during the Frosty 5k. I upped my speed running and ran a whole quarter mile at 7:00. My current plan is to slowly start increasing the length of my “sprints.” I’m also considering changing treadmills for my weekday gym visits, ones that have programs that have hills. This should help me with my road running.

I’m hoping some of this new treadmill running will translate into road running. The two are different and the same. I guess we’ll have to see.

In the meantime, I am waiting patiently for my dinner with friends tonight. Good food and good company.